14273

Joke of the Day

"My home security system is a nerf sword by the door. My liquor cabinet has a retina scanner, 3 pit bulls & my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher."

"Starting to think these Herman Cain commemorative coins were a bad investment."

"Minister: if anyone objects to this unio- Me: *raptor call* Groom: *raptor call* Guests: *chorus of raptor calls* *Bride gets devoured*"

"*man invents wheel* ""How can we possibly improve this?"" *Man invents wheel of cheese* ""Nailed it!"""

"Q: How do you reuse a condom? A: Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"Me: I think the coolest sport is horse golf Guy: do you mean polo? Me: [realizing he isn't classy enough to know about horse golf] yes"

"Voting was a lot more fun in the days when you got 4 snapshots for a dollar in the booth."

"My wife decided to take up painting Not to be outdone, I became an art critic."

"I hate three things (1) Posting on /r/Jokes (2) Lists (3) Irony"

"There are two types of people on the planet... Those who can extrapolate information based upon the given context"