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Joke of the Day

"ME: *3D prints a girlfriend* Hey baby 3D Girlfriend: *3D prints a boyfriend* I have a boyfriend"

"What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans? The black one steals your watch and stabs you."

"If you walk into a zoo and steal a duck do they call it stolen mallard?"

"I went camping with swingers It was fucking intense"

"What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older!birt"

"What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowtain."

"Did you hear about the fat guy who spent his free time in a British casino? He heard it was a fast way to lose pounds."

"Girl I work with says to me, ""Why dont you like Taylor Swift? Shes awesome!"". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in."

"Have you guys heard about that new broom that's sweeping the nation? I heard it literally leaves its competitors in the dust!"

"Two scientists walk into a bar... One asks for a H2O, the other asks for a H2O too. The bartender hands them both glasses of water and asks them why they're talking in scientific terms."