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Joke of the Day
"I kept hitting my fingers while trying to nail a sign to my wall... So I said, ""Screw it!"""
Next Joke
"*quits Twitter to spend time with family* *remembers what family is like* *quits family for Twitter*"
"Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose."
"How do you determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes"
"What is Antarctica's version of tinder called? Pick up a penguin"
"What do you call Bono's stupid brother? Duno..."
"Had a fight with an erection today... I beat it single handedly."
"Misunderstood gift! My lesbian neighbours gave me a rolex for my birthday. Really sweet of them, but i think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch"""""
"How do you get down from a horse? You don't. You get down from a duck."
"I was watching an educational TV show one time. It was so boring, but what's more fucked up is I contracted visual AIDS."