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Joke of the Day

"How to piss off a female archaeologist... Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from."

"Exposing kids to violent video games is appalling. They should be in church praying to a bloody statue of a man nailed to a cross in agony."

"The last time I got a piece of ass ... My finger broke through the toilet paper"

"""Hey, long time. Wassup?"" should be auto-corrected to ""Dude. Can you do me a favor?"""

"I heard the Spanish were trying to make a drug out of kinetic energy... Be careful though, because you could get an Mv^2 overdose."

"Chuck Norris Once roundhouse kicked a horse in the jaw, thus creating the giraffe."

"I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall."

"Every day is a new day. For someone with Alzheimer's or Dementia."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up behind it"

"I touch myself when I think of you. It's a facepalm, but I am thinking of you."