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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill Donald Trump? You dont, that would be a poor life decision you would most likely be imprisoned. But you get to practice your TRUMPet."

"Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure now I see the spots much clearer."

"I figured out how to invade Russia You destroy all of the vodka then they'll be to sober to shoot straight."

"Dates are like golf strokes The fewer it takes for you to score, the better your game."

"SURGEON: *cutting open patient's torso* NURSE: sir, what are you doing?! this is a knee replacement! SURGEON: there's a Pokemon in there"

"What's the worst last words your EX-GF can say to you? ""I do."""

"The greatest trick the Devil ever played is where he touches my chest and says ""What's that?"" and I look down and he flicks my nose."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff."

"I'm more of an amateur bater. I agree, I need more practice."

"Not that I hate you.. But I'll unplug your life support to charge my phone"