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Joke of the Day

"Watching Jon Stewart Feb. 4th Turd-accino, Jon really? It was right there in front of you!!!"

"Why does a blonde lay on the floor while shopping? To look for the lowest prices."

"Did you hear about the confused question mark? He couldn't figure out how he got a period."

"Just got a great deal on some bottled water. The store was having a liquidation sale."

"What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet! "

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised as youth. Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off."

"I took your girlfriend out for some Chipotle last week...... guacamole wasn't the only thing she wanted extra on the side."

"What do you call a Spartan king with a disease? Leonitis"

"I'm not bad with names, it's just that you leave absolutely no impression on people."

"When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it... Child Pawn."