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Joke of the Day

"I'm not bad with names, it's just that you leave absolutely no impression on people."

"What did the guy who got fired for always being late say? It was just a matter of time."

"How do you tell if your friend is gay? Fuck him in the ass. As you're cumming, reach around and feel his cock. It's hard, he's definitely gay."

"I asked Rick Astley for a movie... I asked him to borrow some movies. He said ""sure what movies do you want?"" I asked him for the movie 'Up'. He started singing. ""Never gonna give you Up!"""

"""How did you get those scars?"" [Flashback to me running into a glass door] They're from Cage fighting."

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."

"Guy hears his grand kids are coming for the first time. He gets all the parts and gear, spent six hours child-proofing his home. They still got in."

"Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle."

"How do they cook a turkey in Russia? They nuke it. OR In Soviet Russia, Turkey fires you!"

"Don't you dare dry your hands on my decorative towels you piece of shit."