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Joke of the Day

"How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who cares, because How Can Light Be Real If Our Eyes Arent Real?"

"I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World... I said ""Wow, it's a small world!"" She said, ""actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean."""

"I told my friends that I'm going on a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary. Joke's on them, they are too."

"Goldsmiths, what is your profession? Au, Au, Au."

"I bet Hannibal Lecter was pretty disappointed when he found out a five finger discount had nothing to do with purchasing fingers."

"I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low? [Jimmy Carr Jokes](http://thatswhatwedo.iobad.com/post/859629085/jimmy-carr-jokes)"

"Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met."

"Don't commit suicide by jumping off a building or they might report it as a parkour accident."

"A recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal."

"What does having sex in a canoe and drinking light beer have in common. Either way you're fucking close to water."