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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, I'm in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way."

"What do you call Bruce Lee stuffed in a shell? A crustacean"

"Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them."

"My brother thought it'd be hilarious to replace all my Adderall with Viagra... which explains how I've been studying so hard."

"Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix."

"I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"free toilet paper samples at sams club today. everyones wiping their slopped up holes in the middle of the aisle. its disgusting"

"If you add enough jalapenos no one will ever know you're a bad cook."

"Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news) As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to ""Whoa Dude."""

"When you catch your dog eating a dictionary what should you do? Take the words right out of his mouth."