14175

Joke of the Day

"Sorry, I'm in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way."

"I polled a bunch of horses asking them if they wanted equal rights as humans. Oddly enough, they all said nay."

"The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight."

"I told my wife I love her like a Brit loves soccer... She looked worried and said, ""So you're going to get drunk and yell at me?"" EDIT: correcting auto-correct."

"implant permanent instagram filters on the cornea of my eyes so everything I see looks nostalgic and vintage"

"A girl went to Thailand... And came back a changed man."

"I asked my wife to tell me something that made me happy and sad at the same time... She said ""Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.""."

"A nutritionist wants us to examine a sandwich. So lettuce..."

"I am allergic to fire Everytime I touch it I get burned"

"-40 outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius. My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes."