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Joke of the Day

"If you add enough jalapenos no one will ever know you're a bad cook."

"can't wait to see how dudes figure out how to still get really mad at each other when cars are all self-driving"

"Where is the monster's temple? On the side of his head."

"Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud."

"Autocorrect sucks Amorites guys?"

"I pulled a real douchie move this morning... your mom's vagina has never been happier."

"*pays $20 for deluxe car wash* *hits roughly 3,287,998 bugs during 2 mile drive home*"

"YES! The receipts at CVS are very long. We know, they know, everybody knows!"

"What part of the road is always crying? The breakdown lane."

"[God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say ""when"" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*"