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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a doctor who eats his vegetables. A cannibal."

"I was forced to put my grades up for adoption I just couldn't raise them"

"[test driving car with car salesman] *parks on make out hill*"

"Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else."

"""Mounting debt"" sounds way sexier than it is."

"[Ariel climbs Rapunzel's hair with a dinglehopper between her teeth] ""There can only be one socially awkward Princess,"" she vows savagely."

"*Meanwhile at a restaurant* Waiter: Welcome sir, would you like a table? Me: So kind of you, I wouldn't mind. *Picks table and walks out*"

"Why didn't the cow go on to greener pastures? She couldn't find any mooovers."

"The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it."

"If a girl texts you and asks if you think she's fat and you try to respond ""Nooo"" autocorrect changes it to ""Moo"" so that's pretty cool."