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Joke of the Day

"After being robbed in Paris Kim Kardashian has been silent, Kanye cancelled concerts, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians filming has been suspended...... Best gift from France ever!!!"

"I like sleeping, it's like death without the commitment."

"Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone."

"[Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot"

"Genie: I shall grant you three wis- Me: I wish my ex would fall back in love with me Genie: here's the thing Jeff, Kate's with me now..."

"As soon as he clicked on the title... ...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit. He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes."

"Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I'm orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad."

"My girlfriend keeps complaining that nothing in this sub is funny She'll NEVER see this line because she doesn't open them."

"[rose from the movie titanic a couple years later sitting on crowded bus] excuse me, can you slide over so I ca- ""NO, there's no room"""

"A blind man with a dog... A blind man with a dog said, ""One day I'll see it all."" Then he sat down with his hammer and saw."