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Joke of the Day

"Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!......It'll take them an hour to pass the salt!!!"

"""Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.."" *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*"

"'Let's just agree to disagree.' -Me, saying grace at the dinner table."

"If we have an Idaho, why don't we have an Idapimp? Rimshot.mp3"

"An unemployed prostitute approaches a brothel manager and asks for a job. The manager regrettably replies, ""Sorry, we have too many openings right now."""

"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""

"More than eighty percent of the world records I hold are for making shit up."

"1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice"

"What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator? A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)"

"Knock Knock? Who's there? Broken pencil Broken pencil who? Forget it, its pointless"