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Joke of the Day

"My wife keeps telling me to stop drinking I tell her to stop lying, there is no way she can see through 2 black eyes."

"I know blood in horror movies is just corn syrup, but it's still terrifying because at this point, that's basically all my blood is"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... In an airtight bag in the freezer."

"What do white girls drink from? [OC] Muggs!"

"We could use Thor and his hammer to solve all our energy problems... I see the headlines already ""Earth powered by Generathor""."

"When my Dad passes, I will get a tattoo of him looking down at me from Heaven, disapproving of me getting a tattoo to commemorate him."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? [Can be disturbing] The New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 10 seconds."

"(pretending to be well-read to impress a girl) War and Peace? Yeah I loved that one ""What was your favorite part?"" I'd have to say the Peace"

"Whats an iPhone 7's favorite brand of frozen pizza? Not Jack's."

"[solicitor reading my will] ""He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard""."