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Joke of the Day

"Another beautiful day to waste the utopian potential of social media on social media."

"My girlfriend's accused me of cheating with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. How can she say that?!?!"

"the similarities between a wife and a grenade if you pull the ring off, the house is gone"

"Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens? He wanted them to lay coloured eggs!"

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just sit around and compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"How much is Hillary Clinton's life insurance? Just one bill."

"I've got a runny nose. edit: thanks for the cold!"

"What did Hitler invest his money in hand sanitizer? It kills 99.9% of Germs."

"All the guys in working out photos look like they're straining or in pain, but there's lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy."

"After the initial energy surrounding lithium's arrest... Charges were dropped, due to lack of connection."