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Joke of the Day

"You jerks sit here making your dumb pun jokes, while people in Africa don't even have drinking water Well Water; Uganda Due"

"My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident Now his feet only smell half as bad."

"Did you hear what they called the new dog breed from Israel? The Penny Pinscher"

"I booked some Star Wars impersonators for my son's birthday, but I've just had a phone call saying that their people carrier's broken down. All I know is that they're in a Galaxy far, far away."

"I went to a party at Paris Hilton's place last night. The party was fun but now I feel hungover. I tried to take some paracetamol but Paris-ate-them-all. hew hew"

"Isn't it fun how many different shapes pasta can be? My wife left me last night."

"[at job interview] It says here that you are very hands on. Yes, sir, I am. Can you give me an example of this? *gently caresses his face*"

"What does a spanglish speaking chicken say when it's sorry? I apollogize."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it"

"[trapped under avalanche of Tupperware that fell on me from kitchen cabinet] *updates social media with selfie* Bring food, No weirdos."