141118

Joke of the Day

"[flirting at Taco Bell] Trouble opening that sauce packet? Let me help. [seconds later] Let me help you get that sauce out of your hair."

"Saw someone simultaneously walking while writing on a pad of paper. I yelled at them to text and drive like a normal person."

"How do gossipy hamburgers spend their time? They chew the fat."

"Anal intercourse is for assholes."

"If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself."

"I got caught in a weird routine of masturbation... When I discovered my fetish for wrist pain."

"What is the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew Harry Potter escaped the chamber ."

"listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk"

"What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church? Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul."

"My mate got run over this morning by a limousine, it took fucking ages..."