141118

Joke of the Day

"[flirting at Taco Bell] Trouble opening that sauce packet? Let me help. [seconds later] Let me help you get that sauce out of your hair."

"How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? Flip it over"

"It's chilly this morning. I should let my nipples do the typing."

"I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast It's mostly Sunni"

"What does a Doctor do when he needs 50 bags full of fruits? He goes to Orlando and checks the Pulse."

"Sometimes it's not about missing someone, it's about reloading and trying again."

"You know what I hate most about N.D.A.s?"

"What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night? Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny."

"today, I told a girl in my class she drew her eyebrows on too high she looked surprised"

"Today I sent out a text saying, ""Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?"" 12 people called me...I need damn smarter friends."