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Joke of the Day

"*el chapo dies* God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell Chapo: ok *3 weeks later* Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell"

"Me: Let's go to Chipotle Justin: Hold on. My leg is asleep Me: *whispering* Oh, sorry. Let's go to Chipotle"

"What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common? Baristas"

"What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex? One makes your day and the other makes your hole weak."

"Teacher : What is a comet ? Pupil : A star with a tail Teacher: Can you name one ? Pupil: Lassie !"

"If my girl didn't want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn't have said she bought it ""for me."" Women are confusing."

"In 2009, it cost approximately 53,000 dollars to fly a troop to Iraq, and nearly double that to fly them back. Probably because of all the extra baggage."

"Don't believe everything you think."

"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The Road done him a bad turn."