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Joke of the Day

"So I heard the workers in the Twin Towers tried to have chocolate delivered to them by drone. Asking for an Air Kraft wasn't one of their better ideas."

"I'm not interested in your cat unless it's on its 8th life and about to do something incredibly stupid."

"What kind of bar do fish go to? A sand bar."

"Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!"

"[at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it."

"Girlfriend kept nagging me to take her home to meet my family, so I did. Her and my wife aren't getting along."

"""Instagram announced they will allow users to see who viewed their profile..."" *wakes up in cold sweat*"

"I only date Chinese women... They are used to seeing tons of red flags"

"I've started going to AA (Illiterates Anonymous)"

"My friend immediately started crying when we found 3 pairs of shoes for $5. She cant stand good buys."