141045

Joke of the Day

"Remember when you were a kid and used to blow bubbles? He was askin' about you the other day."

"What do gamers who switch consoles and mathematicians have in common? They both have problems finding x."

"A hipster just darted in front of me in traffic. I almost didn't see him because he was so ironic."

"What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? Iron man is a well known super hero. Iron Woman, that's a command."

"*holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again."

"My dad was cutting up onions and I started tearing up. Onions was a great dog. :'("

"I keep making Freudian sex, I mean, slips."

"Did you hear about the truck that spilt concrete across the road? It wasn't cement to happen."

"I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror."

"My wife said i was being immature, so i told her to get the fuck out of my fort."