141032

Joke of the Day

"I have emotional constipation I haven't given a shit in years!"

"There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over."

"My Brother had to give up Tap Dancing recently. He kept falling into the sink!"

"My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility."

"It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol."

"Wife leaves: Ok. Wifi leaves: NOOOOOOOOOO. I can change!"

"How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it."

"Wrestling is Stupid B1: Bro, Wrestling is stupid. B2: Why, Bro? B1: Men with no pants... Fighting for a belt... WTF?"

"Boss: You took another 2 hr lunch. Were you drinking? Me: No B: Tell me our company policy M: Lol, I can't even do that when I'm sober"

"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"