141015

Joke of the Day

"me: this MAN thinks he's ENTITLED to my time! hey buddy i don't OWE you anything!! my boss: do you...know how jobs work"

"i hate when you google stuff like 'insidious' it gives you the definition but when you google 'butt' it doesn't. define butt for me damn it"

"Your ""COEXIST"" sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace."

"I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :("

"I once met a man who was half Irish and half Scottish He needed a drink but he couldn't afford one."

"A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks ""You drinkin'?"" The driver said ""You buyin'?"""

"A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, ""Do you know what tomorrow is?"" and watch the panic set in."

"I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea."

"Did you hear about the chef that died? He pasta way We cannoli do so much"

"I was on a date with a girl at the cinema. We both put our hands into the popcorn at the same time, so to make it less awkward, I said, ""Don't worry, that's not the one I masturbate with."""