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Joke of the Day

"I never thought a fleshlight would feel like the real thing, but last night I got drunk and totally tried it. And I have to say, it was a pretty good fucksimilie."

"Dentist: ""You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You're a fucking rapist."

"Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf Hitler was also a star athlete.... He was the fascist kid on the playground."

"In America, the army has read lots of news... In Soviet Russia, the news has lots of Red Army."

"When life gives you lemons... ...you won't get scurvy."

"How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky? pumpkin"

"The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church."

"Sidebar the Numbered Jokes joke, start linking reposts and numbering them For science"

"When your parents get old, you take care of them the way they took care of you when you were young. Which is why I gave my kids heroin."