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Joke of the Day

"Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste."

"What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer? Thanks, Obama."

"I probably wouldn't know what to do with my hands if you were murdering me, but there's a strong possibility I would hug you really tight."

"I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies."

"What does the Israeli Defense Force call their firebombs? Mazel-tov Cocktails"

"Scrabble is adding 5,000 new words including ""chillax"" and ""selfie."" So kids, there's never been a better time to challenge your grandparents to a game of Scrabble."

"Why didn't the dog want to play football? It was a boxer!"

"What starts with Y and ends with a D? You're gonna get raped!"

"What do you call it when someone steals your footrest? Grand Theft Ottoman"

"What do you call a stack of cats. A Meowuntian"