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Joke of the Day

"Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises? I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky."

"Why was the two-dimensional emo sad? Because nobody would ever know how deep he was."

"Be nice to someone for no reason. You never know when you're going to need someone to be nice to you for no reason."""

"Enthusiasm 365 days until Christmas and people already have their trees up."

"It's not 'stealing tweets' if you believe in recycling."

"What is the worst part of being black and jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"What did the cook say to his wife? I'm cumin!"

"My wife is gorgeous, selfless, amazing, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type."

"Three guys are walking down the street, two of them walk into a bar.... the third one ducks"

"Why didn't the waffle go to the pancake party? He was a square."