140818

Joke of the Day

"Why does MLK only get one day, while sharks get an entire week? I guess it's because they're great whites..."

"If sex is a pain in the ass ... Then you're doing it wrong."

"Been dating this new chick and some days i like her and some days i don't. so i made her a mixed signal tape"

"What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? A steak-out!"

"Whats more bruised than an old apple? My asshole after a night with Caitlyn Jenner"

"Did you hear about the Hipster that drowned in the canal? It wasn't mainstream."

"A black guy called me a disgrace in front of his girlfriend, but then I realized he was introducing me to his girlfriend Grace."

"I almost took a bite of my friend's sandwich Woops, wrong sub."

"No clean Tupperware today, so I brought my yogurt to work tied up in a condom. No longer allowed to use the employee fridge."

"what's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station and ones a busty crustacean!"