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Joke of the Day

"Hello, Room service? Yes, in order to make my fort structurally sound I'm gonna need 9 more pillows brought to room 355 Bring ice cream too"

"I could never fist a girl My hand would always be reaching for a Pringle."

"What did the mexican say when he hugged a cactus Ay, Ay, Ay, Ayy"

"I wish I were a Jedi. I don't want to use the Force or anything. I just want to hang out in my bathrobe all day."

"my wife laughed at me when i told her i was going to make a car out of spaghetti She wasn't laughing when i drove pasta."

"What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever"

"Did you all hear about Diarrhea being hereditary? It supposedly runs in your Jeans."

"THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise"

"Can someone please invent pantyhose that don't rip? I think everyone in this bank just saw my face."

"Did you hear about the butcher that backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work."