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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I bite into an apple & then realize ""Whoops!"" it's a salmon..."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So people don't confuse them for feminists."

"A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame."

"I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris... But it turns out that idea was already taken"

"Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans."

"[giant fork knocks at my door] ""Excuse me sir do you have any spoons?"" [a family of spoons are cowering in my kitchen drawer] ""um...no sir?"""

"Why are circles so knowledgeable? Because they have three hundred and sixty degrees."

"It might take more muscles to frown than to smile, but it takes even less to completely avoid eye contact in the first place."

"How does a queen bee get around her hive ? She's throne !"

"How do you get a Twinkie pregnant? Put it in box of Ding Dongs. What is it afterwards? A HoHo"