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Joke of the Day

"Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?"

"I planned on watching the super bowl tomorrow, but... My inflatable couch doesn't have enough air in it."

"Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy ""doesn't exist"" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?"

"On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next..."

"Their are two sides to a political argument. Right wing and wrong wing."

"I like my women how I like my cars Safe and reliable"

"It's Christmas and I'm alone (again), Reddit. Tell me something funny Well, I have my dog at least. Fire some shit away!"

"How many dragon ball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1, but it takes 6 episodes."

"I'm old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy."