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Joke of the Day

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."

"When I was a kid, my parents gave me a drum set for Christmas. They let me bang them as long as it wasn't after midnight. They always slept better after being banged."

"I tried telling a pun to a group of kleptomaniacs.. ..but they kept taking things literally"

"How do you make soup gold? You put in fourteen carrots."

"I used to have a job eating vegetables I hated it, but the celery was good"

"I lost my party bot 2000 I'm sure it'll turn up though"

"Knock knock. Who's there? She. She who? She'd ............................ get it"

"A drunk man walks up to an Englishman pissing on a tree... And says, ""Yurr ahh.... European!"""

"Im trying the new Vodka diet... Lose 3 days every week"

"Do you know what a true competitor is? [NSFW] It's a guy who enters a masturbation contest and comes in first, third and ninth."