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Joke of the Day

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."

"Dear every hip hop artist: No, I don't know what you're saying. Maybe if you ask me another 36 times before the song is over."

"What do you call an angry Reddit mod? [deleted]"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid money for a garbanzo to bean on me."

"I've done it, finally. I invented a pill that makes your farts smell exactly the way your food tasted. Get me the President"

"Hey Gillette commercial, Want to impress me with your Razors? Have Robin Williams shave his arms with one..."

"I tried to put two apples together But then I got a pear"

"Remember, when someone calls you mean... just tell them that you prefer the term average."

"As I sat on the toilet this morning I was reminded of my first divorce. At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork."

"What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back? The worst case of suicide he's ever seen."