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Joke of the Day

"Thanks for yelling at me and calling me names on the internet. I have the same opinion as you do now"

"Always leave the shower curtains open. *things I learned from horrors"

"Why you don't ask grandma sex questions I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"The only time my ex will ever scream ""DEEPER, DEEPER"" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."

"1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter."

"Why did Jack get a restraining order? Beanstalking."

"I could never be in a hardcore band because I'd feel awkward putting a sticker up in every bathroom stall I enter."

"The ONLY reason I haven't unfriended you yet is because you have huge boobs and I have a feeling that I would miss seeing them."

"Why don't people win the lotto Because the NSA runs it"