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Joke of the Day

"As a fan of Dirty Dancing I can only hope that when we go on holiday one of my daughters sleeps with a middle aged dance instructor."

"Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick."

"The sun is so self centered... It acts like the world revolves around it."

"Where was France's military strategy developed? Toulouse"

"Subway must have introduced a new Genius feature, because they just suggested I might like a drink with my sandwich. I do. Nailed it."

"I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute."

"My daughter is so ugly... ...everytime I molest her I have to close my eyes and think of her sister."

"You can't compare Tim Cook and Donald Trump It's like comparing apples to oranges."

"I'm really not a fan of Mayweather but.. It's actually perfect outside so I cant complain."

"Did you hear about the Asian guy who was so terrible that nobody mourned his death? He was unbereaveable."