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Joke of the Day
"How are Jail and Olive Garden Similar? Free Endless Salad Tossing"
Next Joke
"My joke will make you absolute value of zero lol"
"I'm in charge of eight kids tonight. No big deal though I can be really responsib-- I'm in charge of seven kids tonight. No big deal though"
"DEFENSE: Your Honor, will you allow my client to escape? JUDGE: I'll allow it PROSECUTOR: Aw WTF JUDGE: Let's see where he goes with this"
"What does a proud computer call his little son? A microchip off the old block."
"How do you describe getting cancer on your resume? As a real growth opprotunity"
"BF went to text me ""almost there"" It came out ""almost dead"" So hungover, I wrote back ""thank god"" And now he arrived and things are awkward"
"Tweets My Dad Shits."
"Oh, you're an American? Yeah, right. Name 5 disastrous foreign policy decisions."
"Can someone throw Kevin Bacon in the freezing Artic waters and give him hypothermia? I NEED this six degrees of Kevin Bacon joke."