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Joke of the Day

"How do you describe getting cancer on your resume? As a real growth opprotunity"

"What's the different between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza? I give a shit when my pizza is burnt."

"I heard a Sean Connery film once got am R rating Because he said ""sit"" too many times Edit: shit didn't proofread the title, *an* not *am*"

"I gave my wife one last chance to suck my dick... She blew it."

"Now the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are legally a person with rights, there are a lot of rape charges I'm filing against them."

"what do you get when you cross a rabbit and an ant? Bugs Bunny."

"IRONMAN 3 SPOILER ALERT: Tony's all ""pffsh whatever I'm Ironman"" then he's all ""JARVIS HELP"" then he's sad but then it's like whaaaaat."

"What do you call a group that keeps getting bigger? A crew."

"What did the otter say to his girlfriend? ""You are my significant otter."""

"I was going to be a banker... But I lost interest"