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Joke of the Day

"If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If you didn't like it then you shoulda melted cheese on it."

"Why do Congo gamers refuse to play with Belgians? They're afraid of getting owned"

"What do you call a dad without jeans? A potato."

"[standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible"

"Just got a residual check for 6 dollars for my scene in Almost Famous sooo...going to Vegas!!!!!!!!"

"How do you know it's time to clean up your room? When the wifi signal doesn't come through."

"McDonald's uses canola oil, Five Guys uses peanut oil, and Taco Bell uses... castor oil"

"A saying of love. If you love her, let her go. If she returns, anal."

"I'm not in favour of student loans. I think people should get their own student."

"Steve Irwin will always be in our hearts Just like the stingray needle in his."