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Joke of the Day

"Looking in the mirror trying to grow up the nerve to ask my true love out. I hope I say yes."

"I don't always tell dad jokes... But when I do, he laughs."

"I wonder if the Colorado Planned Parenthood shooter had a Plan B?"

"How did the butcher introduce his wife? Meet Patty!"

"Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers."

"Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss"

"How do you fit an elephant into a safeway bag? You take the 's' out of safe and the 'f' out of way."

"I am the worst writer in the world until I finish writing, at which point I immediately become a goddamn genius. This is relatable content."

"My favorite drawings at the Mohammad cartoon festival in Texas... were the two chalk outlines out front."

"Deep down, we're all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on."