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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone, set them free. When they come back, because they will, make sure you are extremely happy with someone better looking."

"Why do Rednecks love cheeseburgers? Because they are in bread."

"I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow"

"I went on a date with a drinking straw. It really sucked."

"*sees neighbors bringing in KFC *knocks on door Have you seen my dog she got out *teary eyed Neighbor: Aw. No, but if there's- Some KFC?"

"Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets."

"Only and only when a mosquito lands on your balls do you realize there are some problems that can be solved without violence :)"

"I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly."

"What do ducks do at Christmas time? They Duckerate cookies. ...lol..."

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might me a little to get hard, I just got laid by some chick. EDIT: ""take me a little while"""