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Joke of the Day

"I bought a universal remote the other day and I thought to myself ""Wow, this changes everything!"""

"My wallet just went through the wash. I guess you could say I've been laundering money."

"Dictators make great rulers... if you make a bunch of one centimeter marks on them while they're asleep."

"Why did the console gamer cross the street? To render the rest of the buildings"

"Why did the 80-year-old man call his dick Jesus? It takes 3 days for it to rise again."

"Please women who wear 1 inch heels. What's the point? You look ridiculous. What difference does 1 inch really make? Don't answer that."

"Did you hear about that guy going around stealing everybody's Flamin' Hot Cheetos? He was caught red-handed! ...I'll see myself to the door."

"I mailed you a joke from 12 miles away at 43,200 miles per hour. It might take a second for you to get it."

"My friend decided to cut out whiskey... ...but he's Stella heavy drinker."

"My printer has a drug problem And it just can't stop!"