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Joke of the Day

"Story of my life Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise? Me: Does sex count as exercise? Dr: Yes. Me: No."

"*pretending to talk on my phone so I don't look like a loser standing by myself* -Haha yea dude last night was craz- *phone starts ringing*"

"I've stopped asking what the meaning of life is. My question now is: ""Why do only technologically-challenged people use self-check-outs?""."

"What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue? You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there!"

"I've spent the last 2 years looking for my ex girlfriends killer. But no one will do it"

"What did your last slave die of? A perforated colon."

"Don't waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?"

"7 y/o daughter: Hey dad, can I see your phone for a minute? Me: You got a warrant?"

"Difference between erotic and perverted You can be erotic by gently stroking your girlfriend with a feather. But its perverted if you take the whole goose to do it."

"Body: I'm sooooooo tired Brain: WHAT IF DINOSAURS HAD ASSAULT RIFLES"