140107

Joke of the Day

"Why did the blond not come out of the shower? Because the bottle said to lather, rinse, and repeat."

"So I attempt to shoot myself with this gun? Do I whack off during or after? (Kid who grew up on Chatroulette playing Russian Roulette)"

"My bike is getting old. I had to retire it."

"How do you silence a group of women? Bring out your camera."

"What's the definition of black foreplay? Don't scream or I'll kill you."

"Therapist: what's your biggest issue with your husband? Wife: he gives me no privacy Me: [tapping on window from outside] that's not true"

"What type of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers"

"Don't be an ass, be an arse. Do it with class."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control. He's an ex-terminator now."

"People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie."