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Joke of the Day
"My bike is getting old. I had to retire it."
Next Joke
"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."
"Camper: There's a leak over my bunk! Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ads. Running water in every cabin!"
"JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT"
"""Naked ladies!!"" - art"
"My wife is all, ""we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences,"" until it comes to a prison sentence."
"I went up north to drill oil, didn't get payed Turns out, it was all rigged."
"I masturbate with my pinkie finger pointed straight out. That way if anyone ever walks in on me, I'll still look all classy and shit"
"FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I'd read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that's a bad idea guys"
"""Good morning please could I have one human ticket to the water park"" Sir are you a shark in disguise? *sharks fake eyebrows slide off*"