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Joke of the Day

"Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control. He's an ex-terminator now."

"How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb? One"

"What's the definition of a Russian elevator? A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down."

"So a chicken crosses the road and goes into a bar... ...to help his friends change a lightbulb"

"I just got back from the battered women's shelter... Boy are my arms tired!"

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna eat me."

"TIL Schweiger"

"[stubs toe] ""GOD DAMMIT"" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]"

"The first Olympic sailing results are in England has taken gold, France has taken silver and Somalia has taken the boat."

"What gives a ghost the right to haunt people? A haunting license"