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Joke of the Day

"""Please! There's no need to interact with me. I'm just here to observe."" -me in every social situation"

"What is so brilliant with a Arabian blow-up doll? They blow themselves up."

"I've always had an over-active imagination. Like that time I found myself drowning in an ocean of Tango it took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea."

"How cold is it outside? It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."

"How would I describe myself in three words? Eats anything. Beyonce."

"News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!"

"Star Wars Spoilers Woosh Woosh Pewpew Pew Pew"

"How many ""friendzoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"I'm worried about DeNiro's mole."

"If Trump gets elected... ...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family."