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Joke of the Day
"Neurotic condoms stay awake at night thinking ""I'm only 99% effective."""
Next Joke
"Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless? They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year."
"What do you get... What do you get when you try to inject Human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo, apparently."
"How does Lady Gaga like her meat? Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah"
"A sunrise is probably the most beautiful way to find out you just made a series of bad decisions."
"Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*"
"Girlfriend: ""Does this dress make me look fat?"" Me: ""Stop blaming the dresses."
"How does a midget buy stuff With micro transactions"
"The pen is mightier than the sword ...except in basically every real life battle scenario"
"My favorite way to mop the bathroom floor is to give the kids a bath. The walls, too. Yup, and ceiling."