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Joke of the Day

"A sunrise is probably the most beautiful way to find out you just made a series of bad decisions."

"What happened when the chicken ate cement ? She laid a sidewalk !"

"What has 2 legs but can not walk? A cripple."

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: I left my pills in my other bag & I'm about to get REALLY chatty. C: You're free to go."

"What's it called when two female scientists have sex for the first time? A double slit experiment"

"I the shell off a snail yesterday... you'd think it would move faster, but it was really kinda sluggish."

"I always wanted to be just like my mother. Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything."

"Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?"

"What did the pro bono plastic surgeon say to their patient on Dec 31st? Happy new ears Eve!"

"Thank God I don't have to pay my computer's solitaire debts."