139849

Joke of the Day

"People actually care about you! Just try missing a couple of payments, you'll see!"

"Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana"

"Why did the jalapeno put on a sweater? Because he was a little chile"

"Well it's that time of year again when the 80 a week I invest in child maintenance finally pays off by providing me with a pair of fucking socks."

"The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand."

"I just sent a text that says ""we really need to talk"" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today."

"There are 42 references to food in the Bible, nuts, crackers, and fruitcakes are some of the... people who believe in it."

"I got told at church last Sunday that I should love my neighbour as I love myself. He wasn't very happy when I tried to wank him off."

"*sees a cat yawning* How the hell can you be tired?"

"did you know it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater? It's amazing. I didn't even know they could knit! waaaaaaka waka."