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Joke of the Day

"I just sent a text that says ""we really need to talk"" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today."

"Guard: what do you want for your last meal? Me: anything? Guard: anything Me: the warden Guard: oooooo he ain't gonna like that..."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... The bartender asks, ""Hey skeleton, what'll it be?"" The skeleton replies, ""I will have a beer...and a mop."""

"Daddy! I am hungry! I want to eat! You should be ashamed, son. When I was your age, I wanted to be an astronaut."

"TIL 78% of statistics are made up on the spot"

"Why did the Turkey join the band? because he had two Drumsticks."

"Judge: order in the court, ORDER IN THE COURT Me on the witness stand:*lips pressed against the mic* 2 hot dogs and a milkshake, your honor"

"Missing South Africa In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: ""I miss South Africa."" So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read: ""I hope this helps."""

"Two peanuts were walking down the street... And one was a salted"

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Genocide."