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Joke of the Day

"Why did helium get into a fight with neon? They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try."

"My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick Especially since his name is Steve"

"Big shoutout to the lazy, seven year old idiot who named Red Delicious apples."

"*turns on shower* *shower whispers ""eat donuts for breakfast"" & ""get drunk tonight""* Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure"

"A baby mosquito had just returned after his first flight. Daddy mosquito asked, ""So, son, how did it feel?"" The baby mosquito replied, ""Wow, Dad, it was wonderful. Everyone was clapping for me!"""

"What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank? Urine over your head!"

"[1773] ""Your majesty, last night some angry colonists dumped our tea into the Boston Harbor"" *three English ladies faint* WTF THIS MEANS WAR"

"My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot recently Last night she threw a lettuce at me. That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!"

"If you sleep with two prostitutes in one day... what is the first one called? a whore-derve"