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Joke of the Day

"I feel bad for having sex with my best friend's sister. What's even worse is that my brother is my best friend."

"What does a suicidal multiple personality say every morning? If I don't kill myself soon, I will!"

"I think Australians are obsessed with true information. They keep telling me to ""get fact""."

"Why don't you want to eat pussy in the morning? Have you ever tried to spread a grilled cheese?"

"A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day."

"I called my wife a hoe... Hey, she's good at gardening."

"Hello is this NASA? Ya what will happen if the sun decided to come out at night? Is it still called night or morning? Hello?"

"I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt... I'll admit it was a waist of time."

"People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind."

"Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory."