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Joke of the Day

"I'd love the chance to relive my life, then I'd know exactly what people to kick in the crotch immediately upon meeting them."

"If men had periods our commercials would be awesome..."

"Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood..."

"Young Forever Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now."

"What do you call a mexican midget? A paragraph... Because he's not a full essay"

"[at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster"

"what did the doe say when she came out of the woods? I'm never doing THAT for two bucks again."

"I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'll be in 5 years I don't have 2020 vision"

"Why aren't there any baby Transformers? Because Auto-Bots pull out!"

"What do you call a group of polar bears that support Donald Trump? A basket of depolarbears"